A few days ago, I just learned that a good friend of mine was diagnosed with level-4 spinal cancer. It had been years since we last talked. Both of us were busy with work and family, living out our lives – mundane and monotonous as it can be.
He had been trying to reach me months ago, but I was preoccupied with Jen and her pregnancy. We eventually got to talk over the phone. At first I thought he was simply making a call to catch up and touch base. He spoke about his work at school and the healing ministry. He was a former Seminarian who was a few months away from being ordained as a priest. Taking the rejection as a sign from God, he focused his energy on counseling work, helping with the sexually-abused and the emotionally-wounded in their path to recovery.
I told him about my nineteen-month old son and two-week old daughter. He congratulated me, saying that he was happy and proud of what I had achieved. I then asked him how he was doing. He laughed and casually replied saying that he was diagnosed with terminal cancer last January 3.
It took a few minutes for the news to sink in. I wasn’t expecting something like this to happen to him. How could he get terminal cancer in such a short time? Why didn’t the doctors do anything to fix the problem?
He calmly assured me that he was feeling okay. The pain medications he was taking help numb the pain. I asked if he was taking treatments to control or destroy the cancer cells. He said that it was already too late for treatments.
Part of me felt frustrated and angry. I wanted to help my friend fight his illness, but what could I do? The doctors said he only had a month to live, two if he is lucky. Unable to offer anything else, I simply said that I’d pray for him and pray that he’d have the strength to bear this final cross.
He thanked me for the prayers and told me that he was at peace with God and was ready to meet him. There was no bitterness or anger in his voice. He jokingly said that dying has kept him busy. He was fully-booked, wrapping things up and fixing all his business here on Earth before leaving.
Eve after our conversation, I still struggled to make sense of what had happened. Why did this have to happen to him? He was a good person and deserved something better. But I guess his death would deliver him to a place that is more magnificent and wonderful than anything we have in this Earth.
I could not help wonder if I were the one who was dying. Would I have that same serene acceptance he had? Would I have the courage to face death and let go of the people I love?
2 comments:
i had two friends who died of cancer. i couldn't tell if they were both delusional or were in denial. they kept on saying that god would fix everything. or that they are already at peace with it.
i am not a monster of course. i refrained from arguing. i thought that it must be a kind of defensive mechanism. that being terminally sick and believing on something became bearable and gave their situation some sense.
i wished them well. it is a loss that taught me that life is truly short and we should spend every moment of it wisely ..
ayan tuloy .. i want to see all of you guys this sunday .. sigh bigla ko kayong na miss lahat ..
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